I opted to cremate which is something I now regret, I was told this it happens more than most know and more often than not they wouldn't find a cause of death. At that time full of emotion and after spending 10 minutes with Asa after delivery I did not want anyone cutting him open, the thought just made me sick to my stomach.
I wish I would have made different choices, for along time I blamed myself, was I not active enough? did I put to much on my plate? all kinds of things go through you mind when you loose a baby. I was stressed and wouldn't admit it to anyone, work took allot out of me while I was pregnant going to work was one thing having to jump and go into work because I was on call put allot more stress on me and knowing what I know now I would have requested to be taken off on call but at the same time I had a co worker who wouldn't understand why she would have to shoulder more of the burden even though I was no longer a travel coordinator I still took on responsibilities of two jobs...
The providers did a lupus test before I left to deliver the baby and 6 weeks post op the results were in both tests showed mild elevated numbers with meant that I had silent inflammation. I have since read on the subject of silent inflammation during pregnancy and have read that people who have this condition are at increased risk of miscarrying or having still birth which again brought up more questions than it answered.
I was never given an answer past these things happen and sometimes we can't explain it, so I still have lots of questions, if I did have inflammation why wasn't it caught sooner and was it responsible for his death, or was it the last resort drug? or the morphine they gave me to " on " rest. I may never know but I still wonder.
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